Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Hot Topic Tuesday

Jon & Kate file for divorce. June 22, 2009. I never would have imagined this is where they would be when I started watching the show. In the beginning, things were different for them. Jon still had a day job & they weren't making $75,000 an episode. Kate was at home day and night with 8 kids with little or no breaks (same as us Ordinary People, right?). Ask any Stay At Home Mom who has 2 or 3 kids and I'm sure you'll find that her days are not all sunshine & play dates. It is a very demanding and endless job. In the looking back episodes of Jon & Kate before kids, they were different people. We are all different people when courting/dating and in the first few years of marriage. I don't think Jon changed as drastically as Kate, but they were different. He is a laid-back, fun loving, take things as they come type. Kate was focused on school and her career, but still knew how to have fun. Jon is only 2 years older than myself. Becoming a parent at any age is difficult, but even more so when you are younger. When it is multiples it becomes even more challenging. I speak from experience. My twins will turn 11 tomorrow. The carefree days of hanging out with friends until all hours were over. While people my age were experiencing the college years, I was experiencing 3am feeding and diaper changes. While I did "go" to college and earn my degree, it sure wasn't the way I had imagined my life to be (then). So Jon & Kate are young parents to twins. Not so bad, it does get easier. Not the way things turned out for them. Instead of one more child, they got 6. Could you imagine how you would feel if your doctor told you/spouse that you were expecting 6 babies? Take your current living arrangement. Take your current finances. What would you do? A reduction wasn't an option for them. Their faith led them to that decision. So now what? You have 6 babies on the way and 2 already. You live in a condo/apartment built for your current family lifestyle. I don't care who you are, that's some serious pressure. Until those kids were born, no one had ever heard the name Gosselin. Even then, the first documentary done had no promise of fame & fortune. It was to be a glimpse into the life of a mother of multiples and her daily routine with so many small children. Kate did not seem as demanding or direct then. Through the years Kate stepped up to the responsibility while Jon longed for his carefree days. Kate had to take charge or her home would have been a zoo. She had to manage the house cleaning, the grocery bills, the cooking... all the while having 8 kids at your feet. Remember the episode when all the kids were sick and throwing up? It was hard enough when just 1 kid was sick for us while trying to care for the other, let alone having 8 kids sick at one time. In last nights episode, Jon commented that he let Kate rule the roost and now he is standing on his own two feet and is proud of himself. Good for you Jon. You are proud of the fact that instead of communicating with your wife your feelings, you let it build until you just can't take it anymore. Great job. Way to show her. Ugh. To me, Jon was clueless about what it really took to keep things running smoothly. He is the type of person that needs direction rather than being able to see what needs to be done and just doing it. There were many times that Kate reacted before she thought of the way it might sound. We have all done that. She just happened to be filmed while doing it. Also, the editors of the show get paid to make ratings increase. There has to be a person who we love to hate. Kate got pegged as that person. I am guilty of this. Not judging Kate, but of reacting without thinking. My mind moved on to the next thought before I've had time to finish the previous thought. It makes me good at multi-tasking. It doesn't always make the way I communicate come up roses. Lots of times I could see myself in her shoes saying some of those things. I get frustrated when I have to explain something that appears very obvious to me. It makes me a difficult wife, mother, and employee sometimes. Not all of the things she said to him or the places she chose to say them I agree with. When you are in a store with 8 kids and a camera crew, tensions are bound to run high. There isn't always time for a "Please honey." or a "Thank you dear." Facts don't come with chirping birds and butterflies. The real world isn't Mary Poppins. Guilty as charged. The problem is at the end of the day, she may not have apologized and he may have sat silent. If she did not realize or know that she said offended him, she would have no reason to apologize. If he did not speak up and say something about how she made him feel, that is his fault. They had a very serious communication break-down. I wonder if they continued their church going once the show really took off? A break down in the marriage with no help recharging your spiritual batteries will end up with the result we have. They took the deal with TLC to provide for their family. Without it the kids would have suffered. It seems as though they started with their hearts, values, and morals in the right place. That all took a back seat when they forgot about each other. Kate may have been right when she said, without the show the path may have ended the same. Having a family that size with the stress we all deal with may have proved too much. Who knows. All I know is, a family has fallen apart and all the world wants to do is criticize them. They BOTH made some poor decisions. None of which, at least to me, seem so damaging that a little work couldn't fix. Getting a divorce is the selfish way out. They took the vow of marriage - renewed those vows- and now that the worse part has shown up, they quit. They took God out of the marriage and put self in. Jon just wants to live the days he lost being a young parent of 8. Did you notice the double ear piercing and the flashy car? He is clearly the one with the issues. He's not having a mid-life crisis, but he is having an identity crisis. He doesn't want to be tied down or viewed as a dad. He just wants to spend time with his kids, but get his "life" back. He has no idea what he is giving up. PRO 15:27 A greedy man brings trouble to his family, but he who hates bribes will live.


Kristin said...

It takes two. They both made decisions -- together and separately -- that contributed to them ending up where they are. I don't pretend to know them, but my two thoughts are ...

1. The faith that made reduction not an option should be the same faith that made divorce not an option.

2. They should have gotten the camera out of the home when they realized things were getting bad and worked on their marriage. Yes, I realize they are paid millions of dollars to do the show, but that same faith I mentioned earlier should have been the foundation. God would have taken care of them and provided an opportunity that didn't contribute to the destruction their marriage.

Anonymous said...

You got it exactly. I enjoyed watching the show from the beginning to see how she managed a home with that many children AND stood strong in their faith. Though she kept that private and did not discuss it often, she made it very clear. That's what I feel went wrong completely. They X'd God out of the situation. The money that was supposed to help them provide, they let turn against them. somehow my John is still signed into his google, but this is Rhonda.

Controlling My Chaos said...

I don't have cable so I don't watch Jon and Kate, but I have followed them somewhat in the news. I certainly empathize with Kate though, she doesn't have a choice and Jon is taking the easy way out. What about the kids?

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